Long time, no see!

So, it has been a long time since I have blogged, and I have done a lot of thinking.

First, one of my track coaches died in the middle of his class the other day. He was such a great and caring guy and one of the best coaches I have ever had. It got me thinking about the irony of the way things work. I find myself questioning God more and more these days. I know our true home is with the Lord, but why is it that those who rape, murder, steal, etc. live long lives, while such a gentle and kind man was taken at a very young age and his students traumatized and his young children left without a father.  I know there is a plan, but I guess I will just never understand, cause its not my plan.

So I started my new job. I love it so much. In fact tomorrow is my first day on my own with no one holding my hand. I am so excited to try it on my own. I have found it is one of those jobs that you just have to laugh off or you wont make it, because there are definitely days where you go home and just want to cry for the people, but there is no need to if you know that you are doing everything that you can to help them.

I must admit, all this change is exciting. I do miss school however. I miss living with my friends, and when I am bored being able to call a friend and being able to meet up 24/7.  But I am getting used to it. I do start school again on the 10th for my masters. It will either be great or awful because it is online. It's definitely going to be a different way of learning that I will need to get used to.

So here's a toast....to becoming an adult. To learning how to do things on your own as a big girl.

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!

I am done being nice to people who don't understand they are not perfect, nor is anyone else. I am done being nice to people have nothing nice to say to me.

Ever feel?

Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you did it wrong? Like you don't ever get a break? Like you want to give up and tell everyone that you are a failure? Like you will never be a success? Like your other half isn't out there and people are lying every time they tell you he is? Like you are going to cry every day for the rest of your life? Like it wouldn't matter if you magically disappeared off the earth tomorrow? Like you are the only one fighting for you to succeed?


yupp....me too

Thinking in all of the business

So things have been really busy lately. My neighbor is still in the hospital, I am still working at Sammy's and I am also learning my new job which I am really starting to enjoy. It definitely keeps me on my toes.

So through all of this running and the extreme lack of sleep I have managed to do a lot of thinking. (just haven't had time to blog it) I have realized that the only people I need are the people who have never left my side. Unfortunately these are the people I have been taking for granite. They are often the ones I treat like crap. There is especially one person that comes to mind that has always been there for me even though I always shoot them down, and I feel crappy about it. This person is always there, and watches me make mistakes and still supports me even if they don't agree, and I am trying to make up for the way I have treated them. :-)

I have finally realized that I can make it on my own. I don't need a guy to take care of me as much as I would like one too. I am able to work, and take care of myself.

I have also learned that I don't need someone to tell me that I am pretty. If I don't feel it then I'm not. I know I am a good person inside, and that is all that matters. I am getting my confidence back finally.

Lastly, I have realized that I am smarter than I give myself credit for. I have learned so much lately, and I am able to figure things out on my own without someone telling me how to do it, and looking over my shoulder and walking me step by step through everything.

But any who, the adrenaline from work is wearing off, so I think I am going to go to bed now.

Taking Chances

Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.

You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?

Don't know much about your life
Don't know much about your world


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


So I was singing this song at the top of my lungs as I was driving through the snow before. I started to realize what a funk I have been in lately. I know that I have had a lot of change in my life in the last few months, but I know God has a plan for my life. 


The snow tonight was so beautiful. Then I got to trying to figure out how every  snow flake is different. I think sometimes god sends me little messages. For once, I am going to do something to make me feel pretty. I am determined. I am determined this time not to turn down the good guys and hurt them, when they are exactly what every girl wants.


So then this song hit me. Do we deserve a second chance? Not usually, but somehow we get them.  I'm the girl who probably deserves them least. I tend to tell people how I feel, which normally isn't a good idea. Some times I push people away to avoid getting hurt....


So for the girl who always plays it safe I guess it is time for me to take chances. What better time than with a bunch of new starts happening. 


So here's a toast. To all the times I have played it safe...to all the new things in my life. 

I'm a slacker...not

So I didn't get to write yesterday. So far I really enjoy my new job, even though all I've been dong is sitting in a room listening to people talk. But I did get chocolate and a new umbrella. :-) So I went to hang out with a friend after work. So the first step to that was to get in my car...dead battery. So after calling roadside, having him come down to make sure I don't get killed, jumping my car, getting to advanced auto, and dealing with a very grumpy daddy we got to go out. Applebee's yumm.... We get there and get the newest waiter in the world that screwed up our order. I get a call and my neighbor is back in the hospital. So I'm told not to come down cause he's in the e.r. and I'll be in the way. So we go to the bar and have some fun and I go home...so far 2011 sucks as bad as 2010.

Today wasn't very eventful. Nothing like sitting in a room bored out of my mind. Then I went to the hospital and tried really hard the whole time not to tell every one how I feel.

So a toast to 2011: Hey 2011 thanks for being a bitch so far!

so i'm tired

I tried to go to bed early last night. I fell asleep for an hour then about 4 people texted me at one time waking me up...I was awake from 10:30-1:30. Not happy. So today I really have nothing to talk about. We finally took down the Christmas decorations today. I did it with a smile... And I finally got to get the recliner out of my room. I will never take for granite again the ability to open both closet doors instead of opening up one and crawling in to find clothes to wear that day.

I start my job tomorrow. Well I start training any how. Should be a super good time.

Okay it took a lot of effort to post this much.

Here's a toast to a huge comfortable bed I don't have to worry about hogging as I stretch out!

Welcome to 2011

So it's 2011...I felt better yesterday. haha. I really didn't do much today. I cleaned up a little. I'm laying here listening to Alanis Morissette and thinking. I got a big thing off my chest today that has bothering me, and I'm not sure how to feel about it. It's so funny but the hardest part of being single for me is that I have no one to cuddle up with, but it's life, and I'm living it. 


I feel like I need to write a poem like I used to all the time, but I don't know which thought in my head to start with first, so i'm thinking maybe I should create a drawing, but it would probably be complete scribble. Maybe in a few I will. Right now I am trying to figure out where I am in this world and what I am going to do with all of the gifts I've been given. Maybe once work starts and stuff settles I'll volunteer somewhere, but as for now I just don't think its feasible.


So I'm thinking, do I go to the bar with a friend and his friends and meet new people, or do I stay here and just continue to think about stuff? haha. Do I continue to let my mind run in circles until I fall asleep? 


Remember those days when we only had to worry about what kind of sandwich was in your lunch? Or what teacher you had for homeroom? The days when you couldn't wait to be an adult. What were we thinking? Being an adult isn't all its cracked up to be. Yea, you can sign papers for yourself, thats about it. There is still always going to be someone telling you what to do, where to go, and when to do it. There is just more responsibility. 


So here's the toast today: Here's to you life. I am thankful to have you, but you are the hardest thing in this world some days.